Los Angeles City Councilman Mike Hernandez was arrested for possession of cocaine. He was immediately offered a better job in Washington DC by Mayor Marion Barry.

The Iowa State Penitentiary has decided to charge each inmate $5 a month for a 7 by 8 foot cell with a bunk, small toilet, table and stool. The good news for the prisoners is that if they don't pay the rent they get evicted.

Actor Sean Connery escaped injury when a brick thrown from a bridge shattered his car's windshield in London. Authorities say Connery was shaken, but not stirred.

Charles Manson was transferred after he was caught selling drugs in prison. How crazy do you have to be to buy drugs from Charles Manson? "Hey, Charlie, these drugs aren't dangerous, are they?" "No, I use them all the time.."

(Leno)

Red Sox player Mo Vaughn denied an allegation that he hit someone outside a Cleveland club. He has a pretty good defense - none of the Red Sox are hitting this year. (Daily Scoop)

Hasbro will add a female doll to its GI Joe collection. She comes in full combat gear, including a rifle, a bayonet, two lawyers, a defendant, his lawyer, three other victims and a movie deal.

HBO added the recent Tyson-Holyfield fight to its upcoming movie about Don King. They were, however, forced to add the disclaimer to the credits: "No actors were actually eaten during the making of this film." (Daily Scoop)

Hollywood is making a sequel to "Air Force One" called "Capitol Hill". It will be another thriller - terrorists take the entire Congress hostage and threaten to release the lawmakers one by one until their demands are mat.

Barney the dinosaur will soon star in a movie. I believe it's titled ``Jurassic Dork".

The California Assembly has voted to ban the manufacture of Saturday night specials. A rider to the bill that would have banned Saturday Night Live was voted down.

Some psychiatrists are concerned about the increasing number of prescriptions for antidepressants being written for kids. "It's getting so bad", one doctor complains, "they've come out with Flinstone shaped Prozac".

Romance novelist Janet Dalley admitted she plagiarized the works of rival romance novelist Nora Roberts. "I knew I was in trouble," said Dalley, "when the smooth creamy paper of the subpoena brushed longingly against my open palm".

Amtrak has a new policy. The conductor will now make a standard announcement: "Before you get out of your seat, make sure the train is in an upright position".

Martha Stewart now has her own Web page, but you can only view it if you're running Stained Glass Windows 2000.

Gold Hill, Oregon, Police Chief Katie Holmboe was fired for selling Mary Kay cosmetics out of her patrol cruiser. Her superiors became suspicious when she ticketed a woman for driving under the influence of an inadequate moisturizer. On a positive note, her arrestees always looked good for their mug shots.

The Grateful Dead's communal Victorian house in San Francisco is listed for sale at $990,000. It may sound expensive, but it works out to only ten bucks an ounce.

The National Institutes of Health says that smoking pot may have some health benefits. Of course, all possible health benefits are lost if you don't have low fat munchies. (Daily Scoop)

A survey in USA Today reveals that 65% of people would tell someone if they had food stuck in their teeth. Seventy four percent said the survey people at USA Today have way, way too much time on their hands...

Christian Slater was arrested on assault charges. Out of habit, Charlie Sheen apologized.

During the UPS strike the post office was inundated. For awhile, they even considered opening a second window.

Mike Tyson's wife gave birth to a boy. The kid takes after Mike... he's teething already.

House Democrats and Republicans played a softball game in Washington in 95 degree weather. They were able to finish up quickly - in the middle of the fifth inning they voted to close two of the bases.

A new study says spanking is bad for kids, however, experts are a bit suspicious of the findings - the study was written in crayon.

The explorer Sojourner took a tour of the rock Vogi, then headed for Scooby Do. It's pretty obvious - women are Venus and Hanna-Barbera is from Mars.

U.S. Attorney General Janet Reno has called for treating sentencing for possession of powder and crack cocaine the same, and she's getting a lot of support from politicians. D.C. Mayor Marion Barry said, "I've tried them both and I can't tell the difference."

Queen Elizabeth is said to be an avid Net surfer. She even has her own broken- home page.

America Online canceled its plan to sell subscribers' phone numbers to phone solicitors. Why is AOL so good at apologizing to angry clients? Practice. Lots of practice.

AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked "intellectual leadership". He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence...

San Francisco marijuana activist Dennis Peron is running for California governor in the Republican primary. It'll be nice to have a campaign that takes the high ground for a change.

National Airport has undergone a $1 billion renovation. The bill was only supposed to be half that amount, but the contractor left his car in daily parking.

Food and Drug Administration advisors are recommending that a stronger version of Rogaine be released. There is, however, some controversy over the labeling. The new product is called Chia Hair.

Michael Bolton is recording an album of Italian opera. In a related story, Italy has declared war on us.

Mattel is coming out with a talking Barbie. They say it was easy to get Barbie to talk. The problem was getting Ken to listen.

Life Technologies is coming out with a new water said to contain seven times more oxygen than regular bottled water. It's perfect for those people who are just too busy to breathe.

And finally, Herbert Hoover, founder of Hoover vacuum has died. In accordance with his wishes, he will be buried upright.