Pat Buchanan: To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.
George Bush: To face a kinder, gentler thousand points of headlights.
Jimmy Carter: It had lust in its heart
Bill Clinton: Did some one say Chicken McNuggets?
Johnny Cochran: The chicken didn't cross the road. It was planted there by the police as part of a conspiracy to frame the species!
Thomas E. Dewey: It was time for a change.
Louis Farrakhan: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.
Gerald R. Ford: It probably fell from an airplane and couldn't stop its forward momentum.
Michel Foucault: It did so because the discourse of crossing the road left it no choice; the police state was oppressing it.
George Gallop: Hen Party 42%; Dare 18%; Whim 12%; Business 2%; Undecided 26%.
J. Edgar Hoover: Our investigation reveals his Red contact had left a drop for him there..
Martin Luther King: (1) It had a dream. (2) I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
Rodney King: Why can't the chicken just cross the road?
Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.
Douglas MacArthur: He promised to return.
Senator Joseph McCarthy: He was a Rhode Island Red conspiring against the U. S. of A.
Fox Mulder: It was a government conspiracy.
Richard M. Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road.
Oliver North: National Security was at stake.
J. Danforth Quayle: Ite sawe ae potatoee.
Ronald Reagan: (1)I forgot. (2) What cat?
Will Rogers, Jr.: I never met a chicken I didn't like, If he wishes to cross, it is his right to do so.
John Sununu: The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.
Sununu & Kinsley:
John Sununu: I would argue that the chicken never crossed the road at all. That it is a story concocted by the Clinton Administration to distract attention from their failed agriculture policy. Where is the evidence that the chicken crossed the road? Where, Michael?
Michael Kinsley: Oh, John, come on! Everybody knows the chicken crossed the road. What evidence do you need? It's obvious that the chicken crossed the road. Your whole
argument is just a smoke and mirror tactic to distract us from the fact that most chickens polled now back the Democratic Party. You ought to be ashamed of yourself, John.
Harry S. Truman: She couldn't stand the heat in the kitchen.
P. T. Barnum: Because there is a foul born every minute.
Roseanne Barr: Urrrrrp. What chicken?
Yoga Berra: The road's not crossed until its crossed.
Bennett Cerf: The lions on that side were more friendly; he crossed to get to the other pride.
Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one to the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such a Herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable
occurance.
Bob Dylan: How many roads must one chicken cross?
Clint Eastwood: Cross. Go ahead. Make my day.
W. C. Fields: The only good chicken is a dead chicken.
Clark Gable: Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.
Zsa Zsa Gabor: It probably crossed to get a better look at my legs, which, thank goodness, are good, dahling.
Greta Garbo: It vanted to be alone.
Hugh Hefner: To express her sexual freedom.
Stan Laurel: I'm sorry, Ollie. It escaped when I opened the run.
Marcel Marceau: ...
Groucho Marx: (1) Chicken. You said the secret word and have won $100.00 (2)Chicken? What's all this talk about chicken? Why, I had an uncle who thought he was a chicken. My aunt almost divorced him, but we needed the eggs.
Joe Miller That was no chicken, that was my wife.
Jack Nicholson: 'cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason.
Annie Oakley: She was doin what comes naturally.
Michael Palin: Nobody expects the banished inky chicken!
Gene Roddenberry : To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
Jerry Seinfeld: Why does anyone cross the road? I mean, why doesn't any one think to ask. What the heck was the chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?
O. J. Simpson: It didn't. I was playing golf with it at the time.
Siskel & Ebert:
Siskel: I don't know why it crossed the road, but I loved it. Thumbs up!
Ebert: I disagree. The whole thing left the audience wondering; the chicken's crossing the road was never clearly explained and the chicken didn't emote very well. It couldn't even speak English! Thumbs down!
Red Skelton: He was a baaaad boy.
Oliver Stone: The question is not? Why did the chicken cross the road? but rather, Who was crossing the road at the same time whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?
Mae West: I invited it to come up and see me sometime.
Flip Wilson: The devil made her do it.
Henny Youngman: Take this chicken ... please.
